Well, i’m not going to bother with the question, seeing as i failed, so i’ll do day 3 tomorrow. Hmm, i did 2 days without bingeing and then today happened. I didn’t even have anything to binge on! I was eating stuff i didn’t even like! Urgh, i feel so hopeless now. I guess i could use this to think about why i turned to food but I’m not sure. I think it’s partly because i was tired, so i know i need to be getting to bed earlier. That i can do. Otherwise i’m not sure. I think a main problem is i am very negative, but i can’t change who i am. A lot of people will tell me just be happy, but, that is very hard, and is way out of my comfort zone. Plus, it’s not something i really desire (which sounds odd, but it’s probable is to do with my mental state) as i don’t think it will last. One thing i realized, is that while i was depressed i did not struggle with bingeing. You know why? Because i was numb. THen, i find myself no longer depressed, and without therapy and anti-depressants and suddenly feeling things! I can’t do emotions. So basically i need to find a way to either face my emotions, which will be hard to do as i don’t understand what they mean and what i’m meant to do with them, or i need a way besides food to drown them out. That could explain why the temptation of drugs and alcohol has increased (don’t worry, i haven’t done either, but once i’m 18, i’m going to use those ‘legal highs’ because they aren’t any worse than drinking alcohol which i will never do, because it doesn’t taste nice and it’s too high in calories) So, does anyone have any ideas on how to numb emotions?
Erm, i took the photo, but i won’t post it until i finish the challenge, and have it as a ‘before’ photo instead. This is actually hard, as i am a pessimist by nature, and therefore don’t love myself as much as i should do. The two things i can say i like about my body comes from other people’s comments, as i have never noticed it myself. Nor do the things i like do i consider important, or useful in any sense. But, yeah, this was meant to be cheerful rather than depressing, so moving on!
1. I like my eyes-There green, and only 2% of the world has cool eyes (there’s even an old conspiracy that states that people with green eyes are aliens, or the offspring of aliens, which i find kinda cool) and i’ve never had to be self conscious about them, and everyone says there nice.
2. My nose-I have a button nose, and again, never had to be self conscious about it, as it is perfect for my face (when it’s not covered in spots lol) It is the exact size it should be!
3. I’m throwing an extra one in too make up for the negativity above, and it doesn’t necessarily apply at the moment;
My figure-Okay, so i’m chubby now, but when i have been ‘skinny’ or whatever, i do have a nice figure. The shape of my body doesn’t bother me, only the amount of fat on it. Once i lose weight i believe i will have a ‘perfect figure’ for myself.
Yeah, that’s all. I’ve managed day 2 aswell, but there wasn’t a lot of temptation (except for the 10 feasts in the freezer) Here’s my food and exercise diary for today:
Breakfast: Tuna!
Lunch: Ham sandwich
Snack: Grapes and some more tuna (it is really filling, so i didn’t finish all my breakfast and saved it for a snack)
Dinner: Bacon and mushroom (not that healthy, but there was nothing else in my house)
Exercise: 13 minutes of strength (wasn’t a lot, but i’ve changed my workout now, so that it is quicker and more focused, so that it keeps my muscle mass, but doesn’t cause me to dread it, like my old workout) and 80 minutes of zumba.
Oh, i got a little tip for today. I realized that a trigger for bingeing is when my food plan for the day goes wrong (I.E the thing i’ve planned to eat for dinner has been eaten by my brother and there’s nothing else that is low in calories), so basically, don’t obsess with being perfect. There is usually a way around it, even if it means eating something you don’t really fancy, and if there isn’t any logical way around it, eat something clean, healthy and low in calories and don’t worry about going a bit over your calories. Better to go 200 calories over eating something healthy, then 2000 calories over because you’ve decided that you’ve already messed up, you might as well continue. So yeah, that’s my tip, so good luck to everyone!
Yes, I’ve gone so overboard I made a damn meme.
I’m seeing so many more pictures of people pulling their SKIN as far as they can and declaring themselves fat. “I can grab it by the handfuls!” No bitch your BMI probably isn’t even over 20. Have your highest BMI in the high 40s because you couldn’t walk for three years and get back to me on being morbidly obese.
Sincerely, an angry fat lady.
